Break the Silence and Stop Domestic Violence

Posted on October 6, 2011 by operation

Poway Patch

Voices End Violence

Break the Silence and Stop Domestic Violence. October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month—a time that allows us to break the silence to end violence.

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month and during this month, many will plan activities to engage our communities in an attempt to end relationship violence.

Statistics show one-in-four women, one-in-nine men and one-in-five teens experience some form of violence in their personal relationships.

Abusers use power, control and fear tactics to keep their victims silent. Domestic violence thrives on silence. Take a look at this T-shirt on the right side of this page. I, and others, at Operation for HOPE Foundation are deeply disturbed by this imagery.

On Sept. 21, I wrote a letter to LRG, an international apparel manufacturer about this T-shirt and its image that reads: “enjoy the silence” (drawing of girl with tape on mouth).

 

First, with an introduction, and then in summary stating and communicating the following, “Domestic and intimate partner violence thrives in silence so the image LRG depicts on this T-shirt and its message are equally shocking and insulting towards women and victims.” Our email also contained links to national and international organizations who work diligently in the prevention of violence against women. We did hear back the President of LRG on Sept. 22, with the following in summary,

“Thank you for taking the time to voice your concerns regarding the T-shirt you came across the other day. LRG has no interest in promoting violence in any form, and certainly not against women. LRG often creates graphics that are controversial, but the purpose of this particular graphic was definitely not to promote domestic violence. There are also people, males and females, who do not share your point of view that this shirt is shockingly offensive. People have different levels of tolerance to strong language or images, as well has subjective tastes that vary widely, it is not for me to decide who is correct. Nonetheless, I truly appreciate your comments and your point of view. I will pass on your concerns to those involved in the design of this shirt so that they understand how some perceive it to be offensive. Thank you again, for taking the time to write us and share your perspective. “

After receiving a response from LRG, we posted the image of the shirt on our Facebook Page.

Here is one of the comments received: Author of “Beauty Bites Beast” Ellen Snortland said, “More of the unspoken, assumed woman hatred, I encounter a lot that at the most extreme end of the spectrum results in physical violence. Taping a mouth is an assault.”

Please let Operation for HOPE Foundation know what this shirt communicates to you and if you have comments or feedback for LRG. What do you think about the message of this LRG T-shirt design that is being sold in surf shops across the country and online? Tell us what you think by answering the following questions:

  • Would you buy this shirt and support the message?
  • What would you think if you saw someone wearing this shirt?
  • Do you have any comments or feedback to share with the manufacturer, LRG?

During October and throughout the year, we all play a role in preventing relationships from using power and control to dominate another. This is what domestic violence is – using power and control to dominate another person. Yes, we know it can include physical, emotional and/or financial abuse as we hear about cases every day in every community and society around the world. What are some of the warning signs and red flags that we are missing in allowing it to foster, condoning patterns in societies, violence and/or dominance over another?

Operation for HOPE Foundation urges you to get involved and to make a stand and to let others know power and control or modeling dominance over another person is wrong; that no child, woman, or man is inferior, rather that all should be encouraged not to be silent if they currently live in fear or isolation.

Thank you for your attention and action as we stand together in playing a role to prevent relationship and domestic violence in our communities by posting your comments and feedback.

October Domestic Violence Activities, Outreach and Prevention Efforts in San Diego:

  • Thursday: 7th Annual Chef Showdown at NTC Promenade at Liberty Station. Funds raised through Chef Showdown will go to support sexual assault and relationship violence prevention and intervention programs at Center for Community Solutions.
  • October 2011: marks the 10th Annual Not to Be Forgotten Regional Rallies in the East, North, South and Central regions of San Diego. During the month of October, agencies, organizations, dignitaries, and citizens join together countywide to honor and remember those lost to domestic violence homicides each year in San Diego County by holding rallies that honor victims and family members and in remembering and sending a message of prevention to end domestic violence in our communities. Join their efforts on Oct. 7 in East County or Oct. 27 in North County.
  • Saturday:HOPE in the Park at Balboa Park, “Asking San Diego Community for Family Violence Free Day!”
  • Thursday, Oct. 20: The YWCA’s 4th Annual “Walk a Mile in Her Shoes” event will be held at 6 pm at the park at 4th & K Streets in Downtown San Diego.

Also check out Joan B. Kroc School of Peace Studies’ October Calendar for more events.

About this column: Voices End Violence is a column published the first of Thursday of each month, written by leaders, members and supporters of Operation for HOPE Foundation—a nonprofit that raises awareness about domestic violence and offers resources to survivors. For more information, visit operationforhope.org/

 

Column Posted and added to OFH Foundation Facebook Wall: http://www.facebook.com/OFHFoundation#!/OFHFoundation

 

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Domestic Violence Survivor ‘Karen’ Shares Her Story

Posted on July 10, 2011 by operation

Poway Patch

Domestic Violence Survivor ‘Karen’ Shares Her Story

Domestic violence is a complex and multilayered issue impacting every social class, religion, ethnic group and age group.

“My abuser threatened to hurt me if I left or if I told anyone I was being abused,” said “Karen,” a domestic violence survivor whose real name was not used to protect her identity. “I believed the threats that I received, and lived in fear that another family member would be harmed if I left. I felt powerless in my life, and leaving didn’t seem to be an option or even possible. I didn’t overlook what was happening and I wasn’t in denial that it would never happen again, but I hoped and wished it would get better.”

Domestic violence is a complex and multilayered issue impacting every social class, religion, ethnic group and age group. In the United States, statistics show 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men will experience domestic violence at some point in their lifetime, according to a survey by the Centers for Disease Control. Abuse can be verbal, sexual, physical, emotional, mental and/or financial.

To better understand, let’s take a look at the patterns of behaviors and strategies that an abuser will use to gain total control over another person (including children and family members). Most often they include imposing fear, guilt, minimization, blaming, feelings of shame, financial restrictions, isolation, and intimidation. More often than not, abusers threaten to hurt their victims in some way. This threat can include hurting other family members or even a pet.

Click here for a visual example created by survivors of domestic violence of behaviors used by their abusers.

Anxiety, numbness, embarrassment, hopelessness, nightmares, inability to concentrate, low self-esteem, depression, anger, withdrawal from friends and family, unexplained injuries (bruises, burns, broken bones, scratches, etc.), social isolation, and major unexplained changes in behavior or personality are symptoms of domestic violence.

Domestic violence victims often accept blame for the behaviors and violent actions inflicted upon them by their abuser and will often alter their behavior and actions in order to please that person. Victims tend to believe that if they follow certain rules and make sure the abuser is happy, they can prevent being hurt; it rarely works. Domestic violence is about power and control and is a learned behavior. Abuse is the result of a deliberate choice of the abuser, and not the victim.

“Abuse is hard to understand when you haven’t been through it yourself,” Karen said. “It changes how you think, how you feel and it consumes you. I was terrified to leave. Even when I finally escaped, I didn’t know how I was going to live without this person in my life.”

Many people have difficulty understanding why individuals stay in violent relationships and ask “Why stay if someone treats you abusively?” Unfortunately, there are many reasons why someone stays with an abusive partner. Here are a few of the most common:

  • For the sanctity of marriage and the family.
  • Limited financial options or housing.
  • Fear or love.
  • Believing the threats to harm.
  • Religious or cultural reasons.
  • Embarrassment.
  • Lack of supportive relationships.
  • Self-blame; denial.
  • Believing the abuser will change.
  • Sometimes it is difficult for individuals to even recognize that emotional or psychological violence is occurring.

“When considering the decision as to whether to leave or to stay, there is no substitute for discussing the situation with a trained professional like you can find at the San Diego Domestic Violence Hotline. This also applies to well-meaning friends and family of the victim,” said Robert Martin, chairman of the Operation for HOPE Foundation board.

You can help by showing your concern, being a good listener and encouraging the victim to talk with a victim’s advocate. An advocate can help create and develop a safety plan to fully consider the victim’s safety issues, understand the legal ramifications, and identify community resources (e.g., shelters, health services, sources of financial and legal assistance).

If someone is in immediate danger, call 911.

Other ways to get help include:

  • San Diego Domestic Violence Hotline at 888-DV LINKS (1-888-385-4657)
  • National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 (SAFE).
  • National Dating Abuse Helpline at 866-331-9474

About this column: Voices End Violence is a column published the first of Thursday of each month, written by leaders, members and supporters of Operation for HOPE Foundation—a nonprofit that raises awareness about domestic violence and offers resources to survivors. For more information, visit www.operationforhope.org 

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Connor Joe Bats Against Domestic Violence

Posted on June 13, 2011 by operation

The recent Poway High School graduate interned at the Operation for HOPE Foundation during his senior year.

       

Because Connor Joe has played baseball since he was 5 years old, he was eager to help organize a charity softball game for the Operation for HOPE Foundation last fall.

Coordinating the Ready to Take the Diamond and Strike Out Domestic Violence event was just one of his responsibilities as an intern for the San Diego-based nonprofit organization devoted to raising public awareness about domestic violence. The recent Poway High School graduate chose to work for the nonprofit for his senior project.

“I wanted to do something meaningful and make a difference,” said Joe, who played baseball for Poway High School for four years.

Operation for HOPE Foundation Founder and President Kimberly Weisz said she appreciates Joe’s commitment to the organization, which is run entirely by volunteers.

“Connor is very responsible,” said Weisz, who resides in Poway. “He has an easygoing personality, and he follows through on what he says he’s going to do. It was very easy to work with him, and I felt very confident in knowing that I had his support.”

This was the first year that the nonprofit hired interns, Weisz said. Joe was one of three interns.

Joe, who described himself as Weisz’s “right-hand man,” said he was responsible for organizing two events.

The 18-year-old helped coordinate more than 20 volunteers for November’s charity softball game. More than 200 people showed up to the event, he said, which raised money for the nonprofit’s HOPE Fund. The HOPE Fund provides short-term microloans to those in violent situations.

Joe also helped organize Breakfast of HOPE, which took place in February. He said about 30 women participated in the get-together, which raised awareness for the nonprofit.

“Domestic violence is really nasty,” Joe said. “I enjoyed seeing everyone participating and giving back at the events.”

Joe said he has learned how nonprofit organizations work, but most of all, how to have compassion and understanding for others.

“Domestic violence is one of the leading problems in the United States, and it is also very dangerous because it goes unreported most of the time,” he said. “The big thing that Operation for HOPE offers is help for the victims. I think it gives victims a way out of their harm, so they won’t be scared to tell others about it.”

At the end of May, Poway High seniors were required to present their senior projects before a panel of teachers, community members and Poway High juniors. The panelists agreed that Joe learned a lot from his internship, as he received a prefect score.

“I really thought that the opportunity to work with Mrs. Weisz was awesome,” Joe said. “I could really make an impact on others’ lives.”

Joe has volunteered for Operation for HOPE before. He said he played sports with underprivileged children at a camp hosted by the nonprofit two years ago.

“I volunteered, and I loved it,” he said.

Joe met Weisz about five years ago when he volunteered to be an assistant coach of her husband’s little league team.

Weisz remembered Joe’s commitment to her triplet boys and the rest of the team members.

“I’ve always known Connor to be very responsible and to be a good kid,” she said. “I was thrilled when he wanted to be an intern for the Operation for HOPE Foundation.”

On Saturday, Joe left for Canada, where he will play baseball for the summer. In the fall, he will attend the University of Southern California on a full-ride scholarship to play baseball at the school. He plans to major in business and minor in international relations.

Joe, who hopes to be drafted into Major League Baseball, said the life lessons he learned from his internship will benefit him for the rest of his life.

“I give all the thanks that I can to Kimberly for the opportunity,” Joe said. “It was a great experience, and I learned a lot.”

Do you know Connor Joe? Tell us in the comments.

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Voices End Violence

Posted on June 3, 2011 by operation

Introducing a Column for HOPE: Voices End Violence

Poway Patch’s new column written by those from Operation for HOPE will work toward raising awareness about violence.

Operation for HOPE Foundation is a nonprofit public charity which provides outreach, support, and advocacy to victims of domestic violence and their families. Our foundation is committed to helping victims find a place to be safe, remain safe and to heal from the physical and psychological wounds of domestic violence.

Through statewide, national and local campaigns, we provide a message to domestic violence victims: “To reduce your risk, to understand what’s happening and to seek safety so you can take back control of your life, you need to act. You are not alone; help is available.” In addition, the foundation provides HOPE Funds—micro-emergency interest free loans to help victims break free from the economic bondage that often keeps them trapped in violent relationships.

Domestic violence impacts every community. According to the 2003 assessment Not a Minute More: Ending Violence Against Women: “The United Nations Development Fund for Women estimates that at least one of every three women globally will be beaten, raped or otherwise abused during her lifetime. In most cases, the abuser is a member of her own family.”

Although most cases of domestic violence don’t end with the death of the victim, the United States Center for Disease Control and Prevention reports 1,200 deaths and 2 million injuries to women from intimate partner violence each year in the United States. On average, three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends each day in this country.

Victims tell us that they lived from one terrifying event to the next hoping that it wouldn’t happen again. But, statistics tell us that without intervention, it does happen again. The violence escalates and can ultimately end in murder. If children are witnesses to the violence, seeing a parent beaten, choked and violated, the psychological impact can be so damaging that the cycle of victimization and violence is played out again and again in generations to come.

The violence isn’t always physical; it can be verbal and psychological. Either way, the result is the same. It tears at the fabric of society, damaging the minds, bodies and souls of victims, abusers and their children.

“Operation for HOPE Foundation strives to address the tragedy of domestic violence by creating awareness about the issue, its pervasiveness, and by providing information about resources available for those who need help. The HOPE is that people will come to understand the joy of healthy relationships and patterns of domestic violence will begin to lose its grip on our culture,” said Laurie Mallon, sister to Ron Ruse Jr., murdered by his ex-girlfriend in 1987.

Break the silence and ask the question. If you know or suspect someone is in need of help, ask them, “Are you safe?” This can be the beginning of a conversation that can lead to resources that can help.

Relationships inside and outside the home should be violence-free and filled with respect, equality, honesty, communication, support and trust. If you live in fear because someone is or has threatened to harm you or someone you love physically and/or emotionally, these behaviors are not your fault. To stop them from continuing to control your life, you need to seek help. It’s not hopeless. Help is available!

Emergencies: Call 911.

Create your safety plan. Talk to someone you trust.

24-Hour Confidential Domestic Violence Help

Look for this column the first Thursday of each month as we share stories that end violence and help us break the silence.

About this column:

Voices Ends Violence is a column published the first of Thursday of each month, written by leaders, members and supporters of Operation for HOPE Foundation—a nonprofit that raises awareness about domestic violence and offers resources to survivors. For more information, visit operationforhope.org/

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2nd Annual Ready to Take the Diamond and Strike Out Domestic Violence Charity Fundraiser

Posted on May 20, 2011 by operation

San Diego City Attorney’s Office, City of Poway and Operation for HOPE Foundation will join together on September 17, 2011 for a Charity Softball Game featuring the Office of the San Diego City Attorney and the City of Poway

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Operation for HOPE Event: Racing 4 HOPE

Posted on May 16, 2011 by operation

“Racing 4 HOPE is engaging teens to work together in modeling healthy relationships and behaviors while helping raise awareness of relationship violence. Teens will give attendees awareness cards that provide a clear message–“Stop Domestic Violence, End the Cycle”–and list local, state and national domestic violence resources. “RaceLegal and Racing 4 HOPE programs empower youth with a focus on keeping our streets and communities safe. I encourage San Diego citizens to learn more about these programs and how you can collaborate to help create change and save lives. Learning teamwork, making healthy choices and taking responsibility for one’s own actions are lessons that will last a lifetime,” said San Diego Police Chief William Lansdowne.

Racing For Hope

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