Why is it then that the opposite response is almost always taken when someone learns a friend, family member or someone they care about is in an abusive relationship? Do they say to themselves, “It’s a personal matter; it’s none of my business. I shouldn’t ask any questions. If they need help they will seek help”?

Unfortunately, unless someone outside the abusive relationship intervenes, it will continue and it will feed and thrive on the silence. All too often, domestic violence relationships end in murder, the culmination of decades (and sometimes generations) of destruction and despair.

How else would the sexual assault and abuse cases in today’s news continue for decades if the silence didn’t feed it? With physical or emotional abuse, and sometime both, it is so traumatizing that without everyone committed to not ignoring the red flags or warning signs, the person who is being abused is not capable of resolving the situation because the trauma is paralyzing, both physically and mentally.

If we care about our communities and our families, we need to care about healthy relationships that are free of abuse and control over another person. Some might say relationship and domestic violence are everyone’s issue. It affects every social and economic society throughout the world.

October was National Domestic Violence Awareness Month and Nov. 25 through Dec. 10 marks awareness in the prevention of violence against women week. We ask that you join us in making a stand against domestic violence, 365 days a year, in order to end domestic violence.

Silence feeds the violence and allows the abuse to continue. The shame, the blame, the horrific secret is not anything anyone wants to discuss, especially if it’s happening to you. It’s an ugly subject and many don’t know how to help or what to say in support.

Here are some things you can say: “It’s not your fault and nothing you have done or didn’t do is why this is happening.” “What is happening to you is wrong and you can make it stop by taking the necessary steps to get safe.”

Do we not see how domestic violence ripples into our communities? How a child in a home with abuse acquires this “learned behavior”? Research tells us that child abuse occurs in 30 percent to 50 percent of households where domestic violence is present, according to Childhelp.org.

If we see it every day in the news, with celebrities, within our communities, then why don’t we feel compelled to prevent, end and stop domestic violence? Do we believe law enforcement will handle and resolve what is needed? Or our justice system will hold perpetrators accountable and this will resolve?

If we can do a really outstanding job in detecting and preventing breast cancer, we can rally together and take a stand by saying no to allowing an abuser to have power and control over anyone.

Get Help Now:

Resources

Global Resources

Safety Planning

Or join us at our Handbags 4 HOPE fundraiser on Saturday from 1 to 4 p.m. to learn more about domestic violence and how to help.

Break the Silence and Stop Domestic Violence. October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month—a time that allows us to break the silence to end violence.

Statistics show one-in-four women, one-in-nine men and one-in-five teens experience some form of violence in their personal relationships.

Abusers use power, control and fear tactics to keep their victims silent. Domestic violence thrives on silence. Take a look at this T-shirt on the right side of this page. I, and others, at Operation for HOPE Foundation are deeply disturbed by this imagery.

On Sept. 21, I wrote a letter to LRG, an international apparel manufacturer about this T-shirt and its image that reads: “enjoy the silence” (drawing of girl with tape on mouth).

First, with an introduction, and then in summary stating and communicating the following, “Domestic and intimate partner violence thrives in silence so the image LRG depicts on this T-shirt and its message are equally shocking and insulting towards women and victims.” Our email also contained links to national and international organizations who work diligently in the prevention of violence against women. We did hear back the President of LRG on Sept. 22, with the following in summary,

“Thank you for taking the time to voice your concerns regarding the T-shirt you came across the other day. LRG has no interest in promoting violence in any form, and certainly not against women. LRG often creates graphics that are controversial, but the purpose of this particular graphic was definitely not to promote domestic violence. There are also people, males and females, who do not share your point of view that this shirt is shockingly offensive. People have different levels of tolerance to strong language or images, as well has subjective tastes that vary widely, it is not for me to decide who is correct. Nonetheless, I truly appreciate your comments and your point of view. I will pass on your concerns to those involved in the design of this shirt so that they understand how some perceive it to be offensive. Thank you again, for taking the time to write us and share your perspective. “

After receiving a response from LRG, we posted the image of the shirt on our Facebook Page.

Here is one of the comments received: Author of “Beauty Bites Beast” Ellen Snortland said, “More of the unspoken, assumed woman hatred, I encounter a lot that at the most extreme end of the spectrum results in physical violence. Taping a mouth is an assault.”

Please let Operation for HOPE Foundation know what this shirt communicates to you and if you have comments or feedback for LRG. What do you think about the message of this LRG T-shirt design that is being sold in surf shops across the country and online? Tell us what you think by answering the following questions:

• Would you buy this shirt and support the message?
• What would you think if you saw someone wearing this shirt?
• Do you have any comments or feedback to share with the manufacturer, LRG?

During October and throughout the year, we all play a role in preventing relationships from using power and control to dominate another. This is what domestic violence is – using power and control to dominate another person. Yes, we know it can include physical, emotional and/or financial abuse as we hear about cases every day in every community and society around the world. What are some of the warning signs and red flags that we are missing in allowing it to foster, condoning patterns in societies, violence and/or dominance over another?

Operation for HOPE Foundation urges you to get involved and to make a stand and to let others know power and control or modeling dominance over another person is wrong; that no child, woman, or man is inferior, rather that all should be encouraged not to be silent if they currently live in fear or isolation.

Thank you for your attention and action as we stand together in playing a role to prevent relationship and domestic violence in our communities by posting your comments and feedback.

October Domestic Violence Activities, Outreach and Prevention Efforts in San Diego:

• Thursday: 7th Annual Chef Showdown at NTC Promenade at Liberty Station. Funds raised through Chef Showdown will go to support sexual assault and relationship violence prevention and intervention programs at Center for Community Solutions.

• October 2011: marks the 10th Annual Not to Be Forgotten Regional Rallies in the East, North, South and Central regions of San Diego. During the month of October, agencies, organizations, dignitaries, and citizens join together countywide to honor and remember those lost to domestic violence homicides each year in San Diego County by holding rallies that honor victims and family members and in remembering and sending a message of prevention to end domestic violence in our communities. Join their efforts on Oct. 7 in East County or Oct. 27 in North County.

• Saturday:HOPE in the Park at Balboa Park, “Asking San Diego Community for Family Violence Free Day!”

• Thursday, Oct. 20: The YWCA’s 4th Annual “Walk a Mile in Her Shoes” event will be held at 6 pm at the park at 4th & K Streets in Downtown San Diego.

Also check out Joan B. Kroc School of Peace Studies’ October Calendar for more events.

“My abuser threatened to hurt me if I left or if I told anyone I was being abused,” said “Karen,” a domestic violence survivor whose real name was not used to protect her identity. “I believed the threats that I received, and lived in fear that another family member would be harmed if I left. I felt powerless in my life, and leaving didn’t seem to be an option or even possible. I didn’t overlook what was happening and I wasn’t in denial that it would never happen again, but I hoped and wished it would get better.”

• For the sanctity of marriage and the family.
• Limited financial options or housing.
• Fear or love.
• Believing the threats to harm.
• Religious or cultural reasons.
• Embarrassment.
• Lack of supportive relationships.
• Self-blame; denial.
• Believing the abuser will change.
• Sometimes it is difficult for individuals to even recognize that emotional or psychological violence is occurring.

• San Diego Domestic Violence Hotline at 888-DV LINKS (1-888-385-4657)
• National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 (SAFE).
• National Dating Abuse Helpline at 866-331-9474

Because Connor Joe has played baseball since he was 5 years old, he was eager to help organize a charity softball game for the Operation for HOPE Foundation last fall.

Coordinating the Ready to Take the Diamond and Strike Out Domestic Violence event was just one of his responsibilities as an intern for the San Diego-based nonprofit organization devoted to raising public awareness about domestic violence. The recent Poway High School graduate chose to work for the nonprofit for his senior project.

“I wanted to do something meaningful and make a difference,” said Joe, who played baseball for Poway High School for four years.

Operation for HOPE Foundation Founder and President Kimberly Weisz said she appreciates Joe’s commitment to the organization, which is run entirely by volunteers.

“Connor is very responsible,” said Weisz, who resides in Poway. “He has an easygoing personality, and he follows through on what he says he’s going to do. It was very easy to work with him, and I felt very confident in knowing that I had his support.”

This was the first year that the nonprofit hired interns, Weisz said. Joe was one of three interns.

Joe, who described himself as Weisz’s “right-hand man,” said he was responsible for organizing two events.

The 18-year-old helped coordinate more than 20 volunteers for November’s charity softball game. More than 200 people showed up to the event, he said, which raised money for the nonprofit’s HOPE Fund. The HOPE Fund provides short-term microloans to those in violent situations.

Joe also helped organize Breakfast of HOPE, which took place in February. He said about 30 women participated in the get-together, which raised awareness for the nonprofit.

“Domestic violence is really nasty,” Joe said. “I enjoyed seeing everyone participating and giving back at the events.”

Joe said he has learned how nonprofit organizations work, but most of all, how to have compassion and understanding for others.

“Domestic violence is one of the leading problems in the United States, and it is also very dangerous because it goes unreported most of the time,” he said. “The big thing that Operation for HOPE offers is help for the victims. I think it gives victims a way out of their harm, so they won’t be scared to tell others about it.”

At the end of May, Poway High seniors were required to present their senior projects before a panel of teachers, community members and Poway High juniors. The panelists agreed that Joe learned a lot from his internship, as he received a prefect score.

“I really thought that the opportunity to work with Mrs. Weisz was awesome,” Joe said. “I could really make an impact on others’ lives.”

Joe has volunteered for Operation for HOPE before. He said he played sports with underprivileged children at a camp hosted by the nonprofit two years ago.

“I volunteered, and I loved it,” he said.

Joe met Weisz about five years ago when he volunteered to be an assistant coach of her husband’s little league team.

Weisz remembered Joe’s commitment to her triplet boys and the rest of the team members.

“I’ve always known Connor to be very responsible and to be a good kid,” she said. “I was thrilled when he wanted to be an intern for the Operation for HOPE Foundation.”

On Saturday, Joe left for Canada, where he will play baseball for the summer. In the fall, he will attend the University of Southern California on a full-ride scholarship to play baseball at the school. He plans to major in business and minor in international relations.

Joe, who hopes to be drafted into Major League Baseball, said the life lessons he learned from his internship will benefit him for the rest of his life.

“I give all the thanks that I can to Kimberly for the opportunity,” Joe said. “It was a great experience, and I learned a lot.”

Do you know Connor Joe? Tell us in the comments.